Hoooo, Humm...

Usually, when im extra bored I'd pick up and go.. whether im picking up my phone for a quick chat, or getting in my car to go have "fun," but literally there's no one around these days but myself..

But literally, that has been my whole life. There's not one person I had in my world that actually deserved the place I held them to.. not one soul I can turn to, that I can actually trust with my time, my mind and damn sure not my heart..

They say, things get worse before they get better. They say, keep fighting.. be a warrior, be strong and be kind... but if I must be strong and fight as if it is war.. where is the time to be kind?

I've given my all to so many relationships.. be it family, friend or lover and as I look around, all I see is me.

I've planted seeds in the hearts of those I have loved.. but when they bloom, it's like a butterfly just breaks its cocoon and simply floats away.. now I want to float away, and it's like lassos endlessly attempting to keep me stagnant..

I'm better than what I've experienced.. I'm greater than any pain I have met. They say what we experience is a reflection of our inner world, but I so disagree there.. when people think they can control both you and your entire being in this universe, you never know what energy you'll be met with..

I'm exhausted at the fact my love always goes unrequited.. it is used, abused and drained for all it's worth.. and I'm always stuck wondering the evil three that haunts so many.. "why?"

But as the beautiful Whitney Houston says in my favorite song of hers:

"life never tells us the ✌🏾when's✌🏾 or ✌🏾why's✌🏾" and I'm slowly understanding I may never really understand at all..

It is clear what people have done.. what people continue to do in the face of mine. But what's clearer to me is, they're all cowards.. stuck behind a screen, stuck behind a mask, stuck creating false narratives to cover tracks I've already blown to smithereens.

I am strong.

I am a warrior

I am kind... but I no longer crave to be.

When you study the yogic philosophy you learn "i am nothing, i have nothing, i want nothing..." and it's all due to the Higher source that provides all.. I only and always have my faith in ✨God✨ and it's utterly remarkable how so many people have yet to understand that's the only faith there is. Religion is a source, but what is your religion? To me, it is simply a tool for comfort.. but when you claim no religious belief, when you claim only a spiritual guide (✨God✨ in my world) you study that guide and hope to be as great as He.. to give, to love and to hold forgiveness in your heart as He..

I'm not sure if I can forgive anyone at this point... I've asked God to forgive me for being unforgiving, but the crimes against my true nature is one of no true nature at all.. the crimes against my mind and temple are fueled by deceit and evil entities that join secret societies that are clearly no secret (how absurd.)

I'm not sure what's next, God.. I'm not sure if I'll even make it where I'm going. But I believe in you. and because of such, I have no other choice to believe in ✨ME✨🌬️🤍